The other
day a lady said to me, watching my child play around, “If you could bottle that
energy, I would like some of it.” I quickly responded, “If I could bottle that
energy, I would use it.
Being the
mom of busy youngsters, I always feel like I am ON. Like a switch with no OFF
button. Not necessarily because they are so busy but because I feel like if I
am not protecting them in all that busyness, they are going to get hurt.
When we had
our first child, like many new parents, I was on top guard. From the
watchtower, I was ready for any kind of ambush.
Most parents
can relate, you don’t want anyone to get too close to your little precious
newborn because they might break. You smile through those uncomfortable moments
when someone asks to hold your sweet darling as you kindly tell them they’re a
bit fussy today. You don’t want anyone
to breathe on them or they might get sick. The list goes on and on….it is
exhausting just thinking about all those protective measures that we take.
Between my
first and second child we lost three during pregnancy, twins at 5 months and
one at 8 weeks. So the reality of losing children had gone beyond a fear. When
my second child arrived, I was nearly in full on panic mode. I was so fearful
that something would happen to him and I was gripped by this fear.
I became
hyper-helicopter momma. Everything my kids did had to meet my approval. It had
to be safe and free from any chance of losing them.
I was so
gripped by the fear of something happening to them I would tell myself if
anything did happen to them then I myself would die. I believed they would only
be okay if they were in my constant care. I would be the one to keep them safe.
Most parents
can relate to the fact that parenting comes with many fears.
I not only
feared losing them but feared something possibly happening to me. Then who
would keep them safe? My husband is a great father but I couldn’t fathom who could
take care of them when he was away?
I was absolutely
afraid to die. I was afraid to leave my kids. I was afraid of all these unknown
factors that I could not predict or control, and this fear had a tight grasp on
my life.
Fears or
anxieties are often times things that have not yet happened to us. Maybe we fear our child falling and even if
they have fallen they have not fallen more times than they have.
Some fear is
okay. It keeps us alert and aware of some present dangers. Some fears, however,
control our lives to the point of putting us in bondage to something that is
out of our control.
I learned
through grieving the loss of babies, God completely had His hand on me. I
trusted Him to get me through a time I alone could not bear. I poured out my
heart to Him, and he was always my safe landing place.
One of my favorite verses is Philippians 4:6-7, Do
not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition,
with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all
understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
I could say
this verse. I knew what it meant. I had seen the hand of God give me a peace
that I could not comprehend and He had consistently guarded my heart and mind.
I trusted His promise.
But then it
came to my kids that were in my hands. I wasn’t so sure that I could always
keep them safe and I began trying to control every situation for fear of not
being able to handle life if anything happened to them.
One night, after
a Bible study discussion, I just started crying. I said to my grandma (who shares
similar life circumstances) “I have been so afraid of losing my kids and I
thought if anything would happen to them I would just die, literally die. Tonight
I realized, I have already lost three children and I didn’t die. God rescued
me. He protected me. He saved me then and
He would do it again.”
The fears
that I was holding on to were not becoming a reality. I was so consumed by them,
I couldn’t see clearly.
In reality, I
had beautiful children. God, not me, was protecting them around the clock.
Because as much as I hovered over them, their lives still were not in my grips.
Their ultimate safety, as safe as I try to be, in not in my hands.
I had to be
able to release that fear so I could be the mom they needed me to be. I had to
ask God for forgiveness for not trusting Him with these little lives. I had to
be able to not only know the promises of God but I had to believe them to be
true for my life.
Psalm 62:8 says, O my people, trust in Him at all times. Pour out your heart to Him,
for God is our refuge.
David
reminds us in this Psalm to trust the Lord at ALL times. Does this mean with my
children? Absolutely.
We can
continue to live with those fears that have a hold of us or we can be pour our
hearts out to God. I love the promise that follows. For
God is our refuge. He is our
safe place.
Safety is a concern
with our children but it is no longer my fear. I have released my fears to God.
I have literally poured my heart out to Him and safely landed in His arms. I
have decided my only option is to trust His love for my kids is greater than my
own. He is not only my refuge but He is theirs.
I am
wondering if anyone reading this needs a safe place to land. Do you need a
refuge or a place to pour out your heart? I urge you not to wait another
moment, pour out your heart today.
Labels: God is Our Refuge, Philippians 4:6-7, Pour Out You Heart, Psalm 62:8, Safe
