It was December 2009, one week before Christmas. I had been so excited to go to the doctor to do what every new and expecting parent gets to do, have an ultrasound.
I had decided to take my mom and dad because my dad had never gotten to go to an ultrasound before. We were so excited as we quickly jammed into the extra small room that happened to be the only one left at the clinic.
As the tech apologized for the really small room but we were so excited to see the sweet little faces, feet, and hands of that new little person that we didn’t care if we had to squeeze into a closet.
Of course, all eyes are on the screen except mine. Mine were on this amazing group of people that had come to celebrate this day: my husband, my little boy, my mom and dad, and the tech (I’m sure she was excited). We waited eagerly to hear those first sounds that all moms and dads long to hear.
That precious heartbeat. The sound is a symphony to a mom’s ears. When you hear that sound, oh, how your heart melts.
Feeling and hearing the signs of life, your heart grows a little bigger to have a special place for that little one.
Then the LORD God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being. Genesis 2:7 (NIV)
This particular day was different. As I looked at the screen, I noticed two little bodies lying feet to feet. Cradled in the lower part of the womb God created for them.
I couldn’t believe my eyes. Two? Really? Mine?
As my excitement grew for two littles. I looked at the others in the room and they looked as surprised and confused as I did.
The looks and the excitement quickly faded as I looked into the tear-filled eyes of the tech.
That precious sound we so desperately waited for was not there. No heart beats. No movement.
The moment everything changes. The moment your dreams of holding and loving the precious little darlings you knew from deep within for the first time is quickly snapped away. Your spirit is crushed like nothing you ever knew.
I insisted that the tech was wrong. We had just heard at least one at the last appointment. I asked her to get the Doppler. Maybe. Just Maybe. That would work, after all, it picked up a heartbeat the last time.
The doctor came in and verified they were not viable. Their hearts break with mine as they recommended I take some time to think about this.
I didn’t understand. How was it, I was in my twenty-first week of pregnancy and they missed something? Like a whole other baby or the fact that there was something wrong.
Now, they wanted me to go home and think about this for a few days.
The feelings are none that I can explain. The loss of two little darlings at the same time. Unexplainable.
Because I was as far along as I was, it was considered a pregnancy loss. Meaning, I had to make some decisions about what would happen to the babies.
So I had to wait. I was left with few answers and an unexplained loss.
If you have gone through this or a miscarriage (I also had a miscarriage right after this pregnancy loss), I know the pain is so great. I want to say to you, I am so sorry. I don’t know if there is any greater heartbreak than losing a child.
I didn’t mean to fly through this story but my story doesn’t end there. I will share more of it next week.
Before you go, know that there is hope and I hope I will be able to encourage you through this experience.
My rest and my hope came from Jesus and I want to encourage you to lean into Him. Next week, I will talk to you more about how I did just that.
If you are at a place where you need some hope to move you to a new place, I hope you will come back. I know our stories are not the same and no one has the same exact story or feelings but I want to encourage you more.
Quick Fact: October 1988, President Ronald proclaimed October as National Pregnancy Loss and Miscarriage Awareness Month.
I want to use this opportunity to be able to encourage you with my story.
The comfort I received from Christ was not to be kept to myself but to encourage others.
He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. 2 Corinthians 1:4
Whatever your situation, please do not feel like you have to face this alone. Please seek out someone that has been in your place or seek online help resources. Also, if you ever need to contact me for encouragement or a conversation you can contact me at jaime@jaimewiebel.com
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This week's featured friend is Jill Holler from changedbyhisgrace.com
Jill is a good friend of mine. I love to have opportunities to have conversations with her because they always lead to real conversations about Jesus. I am excited to feature Jill here this because she just had her devotional book release. You can find Jill's guest post on this recent blog post where you can comment for a chance to win a copy of her book here.
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Labels: 2 Corinthians 1:4, Genesis 2:7, miscarriage, October Awareness Month, pregnancy loss, Sitting Among Friends
The moment everything changes. The moment your dreams of holding and loving the precious little darlings you knew from deep within for the first time is quickly snapped away. Your spirit is crushed like nothing you ever knew. 
